My Favorite Part About SEX!

My favorite part about sex is when it's over...yea I said it.  (keep reading!) 

Pre- Marriage

I've always had a love/hate relationship with sex (or sexual activity).  I loved the feeling of bonding with someone.  I loved the spontaneity of a touch or a kiss.  I loved the idea of intimacy and closeness.  However, I hated the thoughts that would invade my mind at the most inopportune times.   Thoughts about going too far.  What even IS too far?  I hated when the shame started to creep in, knowing that moment of satisfaction would only lead to confusion.  But mostly,  I hated when it was over.  I'd be proud in one sense that I had the courage to stop before going farther, but convicted in another sense for treading so closely to the edge.  This double mind was the worst.  It distracted my study time.  It dampened my prayers and stifled my worship.

Finally I made a decision to stop.  Yep, just stop.  I decided to stop pretending I had the discipline to pull back before things went too far.  To stop giving in to my desires.  To stop kissing.  To stop touching.  To stop straddling the fence and to focus solely on maintaining a healthy relationship with the Lord.  I wanted to pray without needing to start with repentance.  I wanted to stop hoping that somehow God didn't know what happened the night before.  Sexual activity then became a foreign place.  I knew it wasn't inherently bad, it just wasn't for me at the time.  Kinda like giving a T-bone steak to a new born.  Not only does the baby not have teeth to tear through the meat, but their digestive system is not developed enough to process solid food.  I eventually admitted that although physical intimacy felt good, it wasn't intended for me to enjoy at that stage in my life. 

Post-Marriage

After a passionate night with my husband, I got up, headed to the shower and prepared breakfast.  Arriving at church right in time for praise and worship, I lifted my hands and sang in my loudest voice "Lord you are good and Your mercy endureth forever."  It was in that moment I realized my favorite part about sex is when it's over!  Some may be thinking 'oh it must not have been that great,' but my excitement had nothing to do with that.  It was the first time I was able to experience the height of intimacy with my husband immediately followed by the joy of intimacy with the Lord.  Never had I ever been able to freely express my sexuality and turn around and worship God without feeling hypocritical.  Never was I able to wake up with such mental clarity, after connecting so affectionately with a man.   God's design was finally apparent and the purpose of "I Kissed Kissing Goodbye" was finally being realized.  At the age of 28, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever made but one I would never regret. 

I have found that sex, in the confines of marriage, is the only way to have your cake and eat it too.  Yea, I know this is literally and metaphorically supposed to be impossible, but in what other world do you get to explore the height and depth of your sexuality and still go before the Lord without condemnation?  There are many people who believe you should do what you want and allow your body to be its own boss.   That way of living is not only dangerous, but is the surest way to build a wall of pride, disillusionment and shame between you and your creator.  He created us and therefore knows our desires and tendencies.  So please tell me, what advice does a mere man have that supersedes the teachings of Christ?  He tells us to flee from sexual immorality (I Corinthians 6) because it is the one sin that we commit against our own body.  It clouds our thoughts and leads us outside of the will of God.  Once I made my decision, the freedom of worship became sweeter than any kiss.  Guilt no longer had a place to dwell.  And now since sex is in the right context, I wake up every morning and go before the Lord boldly, knowing I am in right standing.  Now if that's not sweet love, I don't know what is! 

#walkthetalk

-Sarah

What the "Whitney" Biopic Taught Me

Yes, I was 1 of the 4.5 million people who watched the Whitney Houston biopic on Lifetime last Saturday.  Since then there have been many critiques of the movie, including how it marred Whitney's name and redeemed Bobby Brown's.  Some people say it should've been entitled "Bobby & Whitney's Love Story" while others say it should have been called "It's Not Bobby's Fault!"  Ha!  Well no matter how you feel about the movie I'm sure all 4.5 million of us can agree that Whitney Houston was depicted as a human being.  She was supernaturally talented but not supernatural.  She had a voice of an angel, but was no angel.  She was, in fact, like you and me. 

The movie started like it was the Part 2 of what aired a week or two before.  We missed her upbringing.  We missed her choir singing.  We missed her rise to fame.  We were, instead, immediately introduced to Whitney the superstar who casually smoked lines of cocaine.  After meeting Bobby Brown we saw her fear of commitment juxtaposed with her willingness to engage in the deepest form of intimacy.  After finally conceding and marrying Bobby Brown, despite her mother's disapproval, she was faced with what we all fear the most, betrayal.  Sex, drugs, and music seemed to be her only escape from the harsh reality, that even with fame, money, and love, the void she so longed to fill remained empty.

I never want to over spiritualize or oversimplify the complexities of life, however it has been made clear to me through the life of Whitney Houston, Robin Williams, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and countless others that there is a void in all of us that we desperately long to fill.  It is not gender specific.  It is not racially disproportionate.  It is not economically biased.  It is a God-given hunger for someone or something that cannot be contained (check out Ecclesiastes 3:11).  Something that cannot be bought or earned.  Something that can only be given.  Although perversion, drug use, and suicide is experienced everywhere it is always surprising to hear about it's prevalence in Hollywood because this is the one place where most people feel happiness and contentment is at it's peak.  Where money is not an object, friends come a dime a dozen, and prestige is commonplace what else could one need??

Young or old.  Poor or wealthy.  Everyone is granted at least one need.   Even if it's unacknowledged it is there and will squirm until it's filled.  The need is found internally.  It is often superficially filled by external things, but is only temporarily satisfied at best.  The only way to meet this need wholly is through an active relationship with our creator.  I say active because the relationship has to be alive and in motion.   It cannot be something that was only once declared or achieved, but something that is fed on a consistent basis to ensure its vitality (check out Isaiah 26:3) .  This relationship will make the difference when betrayal knocks on your door.  It will lift you when depression creeps under the doorpost.  It will encourage you when discouragement chases you.  Contrary to popular belief, it will not prevent downs but will keep you in perfect peace in the presence of them all!  How many more celebrities have to die?  How many more people have to be imprisoned? How many more substitutions do we have to try before realizing everything we need is wrapped up in Jesus Christ.  And the good news is, He's simply a prayer away.

#walkthetalk

-Sarah

...But A Preacher Told Me To Do It!

^{Imagine with me:}

^{God tells you, either audibly or by a strong undeniable leading, to tell someone in authority that they need to repent before God or they will be severely punished.  Would you consider it?  Well let's say you did.  You decide to confront the person but before you do, God speaks to you again and tells you to make sure you do not eat or drink and when you return home go a different way from which you came.  Would you agree?  Well let's say you did.  You confront the person and convince them of your reliability.  The person in authority, in utter shock, invites you out to eat, but of course because you remember what God said, you deny the invitation.  Hungrier than you've ever been, you start your journey home, just as God says, in another direction.  On your way home, a stranger stops you and tells you to join him at his house for a meal.  You immediately deny the invitation, remembering what God said, but you are pleasantly surprised to learn that this man is also a prophet and was told by an angel to invite you to his house for a delicious meal!  Would you go with him?} 

^{"God told me to tell you...", "The spirit of the Lord wants you to know...", "I can hear the Lord saying..." are all phrases that have been said to me.  Often by men and women of God who complete the phrase with a prophetic word.  By no means should these words be taken lightly, for they can truly lead to death or life, physically and/or spiritually.  But because of their lethality, these words should always be tested by what God has ALREADY said.  I remember the day someone told me to marry a former boyfriend because they had a dream I would get pregnant out of wedlock.  After the initial shock of what the person said, I knew this was not a word from God to get married, but a word from God to remain pure before Him.  At that point in my life, God had not spoken to me concerning marriage.  He had not given me peace about the future of the relationship I was in, so to take that word as the voice of God leading me would have been detrimental to my life.  However, God had been speaking to me about purity.  He had been convicting me about maintaining my chastity, and therefore that prophecy, as well-intended as it was, was not for me to obey.}

^{Yes! God speaks through prophecy.  But he also speaks through the Word.  He speaks through life circumstances.  He speaks through peace.  He speaks through Godly counsel.  He speaks through the Holy Spirit.  He speaks through confirmation and through any vessel He chooses (click here to check out the book "Seven Keys to Hearing God's Voice" by Craig Von Buseck).  So if you're wondering if what you've heard is from God, take what you've heard through the filters stated above and if they don't pan out, you've got your answer.  God may not use all the keys every time He speaks, but one should never be in conflict with the others.  When and if this happens stand still!  God grants each of us a relationship with Him and holds us accountable to know Him for ourselves.  Although He ordains spiritual and religious leaders, they are never to take the place of our personal relationship with the Lord.  God speaks.  Not just to a few, but to all who have an ear to hear.}

^{So the situation outlined in the first paragraph is actually one that is found in I Kings 13.  Unfortunately, the man of God who confronted King Jeroboam obliged the lying prophet, followed him to his house and ate a meal.  He paid a lofty price for disobedience, and God even allowed the lying prophet to scold him.  Read the story and let me know your thoughts.  Sometimes God's ways seem harsh, but He's always just and always equips us with everything we need to succeed.  Follow God not man.} 

^{"An ignorance of an hour in your life will cause a divine purpose to be delayed or even aborted." - Dr. John Tetsola}

^#walkthetalk

^-Sarah

3 Steps to Making Your New Year's Resolutions Come True

Some say they are a waste of time.  'If you want to change you can determine to change any day of the year.'  Some say they are often unrealistic and consequently set you up for failure.  Some even say we should retire the word "resolution" and instead call them goals or plans to lessen the pressure of succeeding.  No matter how you feel about New Year's resolutions, they are here to stay.  Why? Because everyone loves the idea of progress.  We hunger for it and if we can find a good starting point to ensure it, we are sold.  So why the bad rap?  New Year's resolutions are frowned upon because many of us fail to implement a plan for success.  We write our resolutions down and after about 5 months we are no closer to completion than when the year started.   

My previous blog lists my New Year's resolutions (click here), but listing is not enough.  Now I will share 3 steps to ensure I reach my goals.  Yes, failure is still a possibility, but if I fail it will not be because I failed to plan, rather a learning experience that informs my future. 

1. Develop Habits that Align with Each Resolution

Sometimes resolutions can be very lofty and immeasurable.  This makes the resolution hard to manage.  For instance, (5) Hope Higher (from my blog post 7 Resolutions for the Year).  How can I measure my success?  My dad always says 'if you can't measure it, you can't manage it.'  And management is the basis of success.  The key is to establish at least one measurable habit that is associated with hope.  In this case my habit will be to create a vision board with all my greatest hopes and pray once a week simply thanking God for what's to come.  This can be measured.  Did I or did I not create the vision board of hope?  Did I or did I not pray weekly in gratitude?  If I did, then I have been successful.  If I did not then I have not been successful.  Other resolutions, like (1) Persistently Pray and (4) Live long (and Strong), are a little easier to create habits around.  Praying each morning for at least half an hour or going to the gym 3 times a weeks are examples, respectively. 

2. Set Benchmarks to Measure Success

One of my worst nightmares is to get to December 2015, find an old notebook with my New Year's resolutions listed, and realize I haven't even come close to reaching my goals.  One way around that disappointment is to set benchmarks to measure how far I've come.  So I've decided to schedule 4 alarms in my phone.  One in March (representing the 1st quarter of the year), one in June (representing the 2nd quarter of the year), one in September (representing the 3rd quarter of the year) and one in December (representing the 4th quarter of the year and the year at large).  Once the alarm sounds, I will take note of my successes and failures.  The results from first quarter will be the benchmark for the rest of the year.  So take (2) Manage Each Moment, let's say in March I notice that my predetermined Sabbath days (where I do absolutely nothing) were only honored half the time, my goal will then be to honor more than half next quarter.  Or take (3) Minimalistic Mindset, let's say in March I notice my Savings goal was not reached by a deficit of $250 dollars, I will then pursue coming within $250 of my goal by June.

3. Get a Buddy 

"Integrity is who you are when no one is watching.''  That quote always humbles me, because I know when someone is watching me I am much more intentional about doing the right thing.  I believe this is why God wants us to live in community.  We are not designed to live this life alone.  Of course if this is your fate, He still empowers you to live right; so there's no excuse.  Having a partner, however, who is on the same page, always helps.  When you're tired they encourage you to keep moving and you do the same for them.  That is why it is imperative to find someone you trust to hold you accountable for reaching your goals.  Thankfully I have my husband.  Whoo! Whoo! Who constantly, sometimes to my annoyance, reminds me of goals I've set.  When I start to do something that contradicts what I've said, he's there to encourage me to stay the course.  So for (6) Build my Back, I will give him permission to remind me that nothing worth having comes easy.  With that reminder my complaints should decrease over time.  Or for (7) Consistently Connect, I plan to schedule time with each of my friends, so that we will intentionally maintain our friendship.  The time will be mutually agreed upon and we will each commit to talk or meet up as a way to stay connected.

I hope you are as pumped about the new year as I am.  If not, remember that God has great plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).  His thoughts about you out number the grains of sand (Psalm 139:17-18).  Now that's breathtaking!  He's done His part, in that He has placed in you a measure of faith which consists of gifts, passion, and desire (Romans 12:3).  You now have to do your part and chase after Him (James 2:17).  In Him you will experience hardship but also successes and victories all for His glory.  Never give Up!

-walkthetalk

Sarah